It’s Only Perfect if You Bought It

Ladies, why is it that whatever we have naturally needs to be corrected and then reapplied superficially?

Even people who look excellent–healthy, mathematically proportioned and what have you–are still showing up at drug stores and aesthetic centers to buy more and look better. What’s funny is that one woman’s problem is another woman’s solution.

Problem: You’ve got curves.

Solution: Get artificial curves, like those shorts with built in butts and push up bras.

I wonder: Is the overall consensus that women are supposed to be curvy or not? Is there a magic level of curvy that we’re aiming for? One magazine raves about Beyonce’s figure and the other claims she’s struggling with her weight. Some pants minimize a rotund buttocks and other pants offer some volume assistance.  How much butt per inch is perfect these days?

Problem: You have hideous darkness around the eyes.

Solution: Slick some concealer and foundation on your face to make yourself look dead– I mean, look like a blank slate. Then take dark shades of eyeshadow and artfully smooth them onto your lids to create the “smokey eye look.” Wait, didn’t we just say darkness around the eyes was a problem?

I wonder: Football players, military professionals and other outdoorsy types used to smear black under their eyes to minimize light reflections and glare. Is it possible that natural darkness around the eyes was intended to do the same thing? Most research is targeted at removing darkness but I haven’t found anything to explain any possible benefits. Aside from stress, lack of sleep, and other culprits, darkness around the eyes is a common genetic occurrence among many people of color. People of color also descend from warm, sunny regions of the world. Eh, it’s worth looking into.

Genetics aside, why is darkness around the eyes only considered a good thing when it’s manufactured?

Problem: Your hair is too big and curly Or your hair is too straight and flat.

Solution: Get a product that will make your hair straight and sleek OR get a product that will make your hair voluminous and curly.

I wonder: It’s all in the adjectives, now, isn’t it?

Problem: Your skin is too dark.

Solution: Be naturally pale and then get a tan.

I wonder: It’s no secret that the media isn’t very supportive of dark skinned actors, models, etc. There seems to be a limit to the amount of ethnic diversity allowed on any one show. It’s not for a lack of dark skinned talent, or small populations of minorities in cities like Los Angeles and New York where talent flocks to be discovered.   I guess the reason is that it’s cool to be brown, just not too brown, you know?

But it’s not cool to be too pale either, like pasty pale. Having a bit of color makes you look healthy, gives you a sun-kissed glow.If you look too much like a ghost someone with a makeup brush will attack your face with bronzer before you ever step in front of a camera.

The bottom line is, whatever you’re naturally given is all wrong and it can only be corrected through the proper course of consumerism.